100 Changes

Falling in love= a simple complicated thing that sometimes occurs to human beings. 

Madelyn knew Nate for some years already. They were sharing the same friends, the same high-school memories with crises of laughter, dramas and whatever else happens to kids these days. Through some accident, more or less embarrassing, they started dating and fell in love. She had been in relationships, quite long ones, before even dated some guys, but she decided that this one was her first love. It was great, fun, happy, and they were together for so long, that the idea of True Love and soul-mates crossed both their minds. Mad wasn’t convinced at first by this idea, but everything was as she would imagine it to be, so at a certain point in time she became convinced she was on the right track.

Irrelevant things happened and after a period with both wonderful and sad event, Mad decided that whatever connected them two once it was now supposed to end. She was sad, but somehow she knew it was the right step at the right time. She knew. Nate was crushed, tragically sinking in the feelings once so wonderful and great. But nothing changed and the chapter closed, maybe even out of a sudden.

Though she was the one who made the step, Madelyn was confused, even angry. How could you think something is true love, forever love even and then this feeling, you know you had, vanished as if it never existed? Was it even there? Life continued anyway. She started dating. More dating then she ever had time to, but not that much as one would imagine. Dating drived by the need to know, to understand. “Why was her, a rational being, deceived? Did all the books lie? Can you even notice True Love or is it more of a silent guy?”

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Months later, I look back to everything I saw, everything I’ve learnt, and I don’t know much now either. But I’m in love again. I’m so in love that I decided that this is my first love. No, not really. I realized that first time things don’t matter, because what happens now is always the most important. This love now seems true enough. Similarly enough, the same thoughts reappear “Is this true love? Is this forever?” and I remember the fear of such answers.

Maybe true love should prove itself true every now, and than maybe it works. But do you know when someone is the one before one actually becomes your significant other? Girls in movies always seem to know it, but the reason we watch such movies is because we don’t know for sure, we like the mystery. 

For now, I’m accepting my lack of answers, and … I’m even allowing my fearful questions annoy me in the background of my head. I’ve started this story with a whole other purpose, but halfway through I decided that I should use this to help refresh my random-access memory.

It’s funny how our brains create random fears against stuff that doesn’t really threaten you, like darkness, heights …bugs sometimes. I am afraid of heights, trying to overcome that every time I get the chance. A few weeks ago, I was walking through the city passing near a church that advertised its “Panorama View”, so I said let’s give it a chance. I climbed half through and my legs started shaking so much, I had to return to the ground. Continuing my walk, I couldn’t help sensing the irony of the whole situation. I cannot decide if the universe’s sense of humour is great or just annoying.

I always think of where my life’s heading, what’s my purpose, “my deal” and I just want to matter, to be important, to do important. I want to reach the top, to be among the best of the best but…. I’m afraid to reach a literal top… the top of a church. So I came up with this plan that if I pass all my exams and I’m one step closer to being significant, I will go climb that tower… And I picked the highest in the city, and I survived, … with a little help of a somebody. 

Now what?

….to be continued…

So, maybe a bitt late my own review of the Fringe finale comes. First I have to say, I love this show. I have cried through this show so much, there was so much love … the ideal, still heartbreaking love story I will never forget. Maybe not many understood Fringe and maybe even more stopped watching it because of some discontinuities and complications… but at the end of the day, after all the fights it was only about love. Love between two soulmates… Love between father and son… Love for science. Love.

So I am not going to comment everything that happened, I just want to point out something that all the blogs ( www.tvfanatic.com or www.tvovermind.com ) escaped. 

PLEASE READ THIS! This is the part of the story, the piece that completes the perfection of this series. It’s the secret they let us figure

Michael left randomly the train going to the observers. Why? … Olivia Dunham had to take Cortexiphan to cross over to the other side, save Michael and come back. Cortexiphan… When Michael saw her he was happy, he was expecting her to come after him. Everything else then worked kinda according to the plan. But there was these moments when Olivia asked him “Why did this happen?Why did you leave?” and Michael just made that sign with his finger to tell her to keep quiet. Afterwards we have seen her using the powers from Cortexiphan to kill Windmark, so she still had it in her organism. I know, I can’t tell this story right but what I want to say is that… After Michael and Walter left for 2036 and reset time, we came back in 2015 on that field and there was no invasion. But Olivia Dunham KNEW why. You could see it on her face. Michael told her to keep quiet, so she just enjoyed the moment when Peter got Etta in his hands. 

So while everyone is complaining that Walter’s sacrifice will never be known by Peter and that’s why this episode is not perfect. Just connect the dots. Olivia knows! And that is enough for me… 

Finally, Thank you Fringe for giving me another perspective on life.

“There are people who leave an incredible mark in your soul. An imprint that can never be erased.” -  Phillip Broyles

Fringe has left its mark.

Yesterday I bought the first light bulb ever. I needed it ‘cause half of the lamp in my room didn’t work so I went to some random store and even bought an ecological one… from Phillips. At home, I installed the first light bulb ever and it automatically went on. It was nice, even beautiful. I like lighting things… I sometimes go to the church and light some candles, some for me, some for other people who can’t light them but they need to. Am I even allowed to compare these two experiences?  At the end of the day it’s just bringing light into your life, isn’t it?… Lighting your own life. 

Or maybe it is about becoming the light in your life. Living as light must be awesome: you’re two contradicting things at the same time, wave and particle, and moreover you move the the highest speed possible. I want to be light. If I lighted a bulb maybe it’s because … I am light.

Ohh and by the way, I’ve heard that if you turn on the light in your dreams you become aware you are in a dream and than you can control the dream, do everything… fly.